The purchase of happiness

Overwhelmed by the thoughts, I waked up at 5 on a Sunday morning.

It’s been raining since last night, the weather is quite horrible these days, rain rain rain rain… Then I can hear the dawn chorus. I made myself a black coffee then opened the window, you can smell the mixture of rain, grass and the earth. I couldn’t remember when is last time I wake up this early. 


Many things happen these few months, after my last internship, I haven’t found a decent job yet. Sometimes it’s really hard to keep a positive wave all the time, however that’s the key to the life – to be positive. Last night, I had a close talk with a friend I know for 5 years now. Dramatic is the perfect word to describe her life. When yesterday she told me she might be a missionary, I couldn’t believe my ears. “People say I have an old soul”, she said. She used to work in fashion in Paris, that’s where I first met her. With all the temptations in the city, she freaked out, being afraid of losing herself. She made a big decision by moving to a small city to the North of France. She started something brand new and now she’s really happy about what she’s doing now. Plus, she’s always being a very devout catholic. She told me that she’s feeling blessed. Every morning when she wakes up, she feels contented. 


“Do you know the key to the happiness?” she asked.

“Tell me about it” I said.

“Have a thankful heart”

Everyone is struggling to get this thing called “happiness”, but in extremely different ways. Some fulfill the desire by buying expensive Chanel bags, by showing off, by earning many money and there’re some, like this friend, by praying and hold a thankful heart. 


Nowadays, it’s more difficult than ever to being yourself, with the facebook, twitter, net-working, smart phones, we’re very much exposed and being judged by the outside world. We’re getting used to put on the mask. Who knows if you put on the mask too long time, you become the mask in the end. This thought terrifying me. I admit that I’m peacocky, it’s human but dangerous. I think that one of the most important reasons that I’m being like this is that I don’t actually know who I am and I don’t have a core in life. What do I want?

“Read the Bible” she told me.

I tried to go to the church few months ago, I can hardly accept something so abstract. I respect all the religions and I’m sincerely glad for the people who believe in God. I totally share the opinions in the Bible, about love, relationship, family, society, etc. However, I still have the doubt about the Jesus as a person. Does he really exist? Does God really create the world? 


We have signs in life, and we have to follow them. And I’m pretty that the loss of my iphone is definitely a sign. I was quite obsessed to it, it’s insane. Since now, it’s gone, I’m done. There’re no facilities in life in the end, if you want something, you have to work hard and sometimes you need to jump to crab it. 


It’s almost 7 now. 

Good Morning Paris

Photos by Erwin Olaf, one of my favorites dutch photographers. 


6 thoughts on “The purchase of happiness

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